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Category Archives: BLACK Love

How Does Making Money Affect Relationships?

Image by © Artiga Photo/Corbis

 

Function

Making money is something we all have to do whether we’re in a relationship or not. Whether st for survival purposes, or respect or power, money plays a part in our lives. As far as relationships go, the issue of money has the ability to make or break the relationship bond.

Each partner brings his own rendition of money values to the table. Many couples seldom talk about these values unless a money problem arises. It’s at this point that the effects of money on a relationship are felt.

Features

Money is best known as a means to survival; however, its influence in relationships can reach into other areas, some of which have nothing to do with survival. Power, control, adoration or seduction are all ways that money can be used within the context of a relationship.

When money is valued for what it is–a means to survival–a couple can use it to build a future, or provide for the things that are most important to them. If money is lacking, survival becomes more of a challenge, but the value of the relationship stays the same.

Relationships where money is valued as power or control by one, or both partners, will tend to place blame on the other partner when money problems arise. It’s at this point where the value of the relationship comes into question. Agreeing to not let money become a source of contention at the start of a relationship keeps money issues in their place.

Misconceptions

In spite of the well-known adage, “Money can’t buy happiness,” money is still perceived by many as the answer to life’s problems. And while having an abundant supply can make life more comfortable, relationship needs where money is concerned fall more along the lines of clear communication regarding where each partner’s values lie.

Any form of money management should be handled from a business perspective whether the partners are corporate or conjugal. Mixing business with pleasure has become a common downfall within the context of marriage relationships.

Effects

Marriage statistics show money issues as a leading cause of divorce. Analysts predict that the rise in bankruptcies and foreclosures will see a substantial increase in divorce rates within the coming years. Considering that married couples receive substantial tax benefits, along with the available additional income in the home, one must wonder if money is the true culprit.

If money were the culprit, couples with substantial amounts of money would be blissfully happy. More often than not, money problems are a symptom of deeper problems that haven’t been addressed in the relationship. Issues of power and control can just as easily surface whether an abundance of money is present or not.

Communicating values as they pertain to money is a necessary first step at the start of any relationship.

Credit to: Jacquelyn Jeanty, eHow.com Contributor

http://www.ehow.com/how-does_4567744_making-money-affect-relationships.html

 

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BLACK Love: Love Doesn’t Hurt!

Plain & Simple. The sad thing is, many women and men (yes men too) are in abusive relationships and not even aware. Folks, there are many types of abuse. Some of the most common ones between partners are Mental, Physical, and Verbal abuse. Believe it or not, verbal and mental abuse is just as crippling and hurtful as the damage caused by physical abuse.

Physical abuse we all know is the act of a person putting his/her hands on you. Some people, (from what I’ve witnessed are mostly women), say, ” It isn’t that bad because it was just a shove or push. These women actually believe that’s all it’ll ever be. If there is a pattern of him/her using force as a resolution, there is an issue. The shove will grow into a push. The push will grow into a punch, and so on and so on. If your partner is using force (no matter how small it may seem to you), it is only fair to conclude that this person is physically abusive. You don’t want to be that person in a situation where you end up with a bruise, broken bone, or worse.

Verbal Abuse is when someone uses demeaning and vulgar language towards you. I know to some this may not seem as much, but this type of abuse can leave an individual feeling hurt, depressed, self-disgust, and a low self esteem. Psychologically, when you hear something so much and long enough, you begin to believe it. Since when was it ok for women to be called a B*tch by the person who so-calls love them??? This form of abuse is by an aggressor. Someone who can place his/her daily frustrations on you for no apparent reason, or just for the hell of it becomes angry towards you. You make the littlest mistake, or none at all and BAM!!!!… You have all kinds of hurtful and nasty words flying towards you. The other factor of this type of abuser is he/she is most likely to become physically abusive as well.

Mental abuse however, I believe, is the most passive out of the three, BUT equally destructive! This individual is clever. He/She has a low self esteem and hides it well. They tell you daily how much they love you and adore you, they can adorn you with gifts, and affection. However, they subtly contradict their actions by taking stabs at who you are, what you lack, your imperfections, and even use your flaws against you. They’d shower you with compliments and point out your flaws (most likely that which are non-existent). They secretly envy you, who you are your confidence, and the way you carry yourself. Afraid they’d lose you, and in order to insure that you’d stay with them forever, they lead you to believe there is no other person that can love you the way they do. Yes, a toxic situation just like the other two mentioned.

Now that we’ve done our homework on the matter, I know some might find themselves thinking, “She’s talking about my situation”. So what do we do now right? The right thing to do is just leave. The pain of staying surpasses by far the pain of leaving. I understand that you love this person, and even hope for the situation to get better. The reality is this person needs help. Anyone who utilizes any sort of breaking down another person for a sense of power, self-worth, or even satisfaction needs an outlet which provides awareness of their abusive behavior, the effects it has on others, and how they can rid of it. Trust me as long as you stay in the situation you’re not helping the person realize that they have a problem. It’s like having an addict around his addiction daily in hopes they’d overcome said addiction. It doesn’t work that way. There must be an awareness, a withdrawal, and a resolution to avoid their abusive behavior. The best thing for you to do is leave the situation. At a distance (preferably over the phone) tell them why you’ve left the situation, and discuss options of how the person can rid themselves of their abusive nature.

Lastly, this individual must be willing to change as well. The ultimate decision is theirs. Whatever they so choose, get out of the situation as soon as you can. It’s unfortunate, but people have suffered dire consequences in compromising and keeping themselves in an abusive relationship, Such as: Losing their self worth, Lack of enthusiasm and positive outlook of themselves and their surroundings, Bruises and broken bones, or worse…death. This is a risk not worth taking.

ABUSE HOTLINES

Safe Horizon: www.safehorizon.org
Polaris Project: www.polarisproject.org
NYAWC: www.nyawc.org

Written By: JADE

Disclaimer: All views expressed in this post is that of the author and not BLACK STREET entirely.

 
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Posted by on February 10, 2012 in BLACK Love

 

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BLACK Love: Should You Listen to Friends for Relationship Advice?

Now we all know we’ve been in this position. Yes men, you too. You’ve just come from a heated argument and seek refuge and comfort from your closest friend(s). As soon as you get two sentences in, all of a sudden your friend goes on a rant about the injustice done to you, how you deserve better, and the right thing to do is leave him or her.

Now don’t get me wrong. I do believe some of our friends mean well, however their advice might do more damage than actually help the situation. Although their intent is to help you, the ultimate decision is yours to make and shouldn’t be influenced by that of your friends.

Here is what I suggest you do:

  1. Don’t run and tell your friends every single aspect of your relationship. You need to learn to separate the two relationships they are not the same. A friend should understand why you’d prefer to maintain some sort of privacy; like avoid mentioning the disagreements and fights. She/He doesn’t need to know that the two of you fought over different types of pasta, or worse your intimacy or lack thereof. SPECIALLY your intimacy. That is the most private aspect of your relationship and that “talk” should be with your significant other… not your friends.
  2. If you’ve disregarded my first point (which I’m sure most if not all of you have), be very careful at the advice you listen to. Some of you might be lucky and have wise friends (such as myself) and receive great advice. Others might have friends who are either inexperienced to your situation, jealous that you’re even in a relationship, or just want to shut up your nagging. Remember, people deal with things differently. You are not your friend. The best advice you should adhere to is that of which tells you how YOU should best handle the situation and make it BETTER. NOT the “if it were me’s” or “I would never”. There is a great chance she/he is lying anyways.

Truth is ladies and gentlemen, YOU are responsible for the decision you make within your relationship. No relationship is ever perfect. Perfection comes from perfecting your imperfections, working and mastering through your differences. All relationships has had their tough times. Also, when you run and tell friends every nook and cranny of your relationship, they become protective (well they should). So when they see you and your significant other all cuddly and “Kissie Kissie”, that won’t sit well with them. They’ll begin to think you’re choosing one over the other. This is something we want to avoid. Learn to separate the two relationships and KEEP it that way.

Also, “practice what you preach” is a big thing of mine. If said friend who is adamant that you listen to her/him has a history of broken and horrible relationships… I’d suggest that friend is a prime example of who NOT to listen to. Friends who have and are IN a currently positive and healthy relationship are those most likely to give you helpful advice.

HOWEVER… I am not condoning anyone who has chosen to stay in a relationship which is any sort of abuse (Verbal, Physical, Mental). I believe this is the exception to the rules mentioned earlier. We’ll cover that on our next “Black Love” session.

Written By: JADE

Disclaimer: All views expressed in this post is that of the author and not BLACK STREET entirely.

 
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Posted by on January 18, 2012 in BLACK Love

 

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BEYONCE IS EXPECTING!!!!

Beyonce Embracing Her Baby Bump

 

Here is Beyonce at the VMA’s showing off her baby bump. We at BLACK STREET wants to congratulate the Carter’s for their prospective new addition to their family. We celebrate #BlackLove. I love how they’ve showcased their love. Dating, then marriage, then the baby…let’s not forget the financial stability. I love it!!!!

 

Written By: Judith Jacques

 

Disclaimer: All views expressed in this post is that of the author and not BLACK STREET entirely.

 
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Posted by on August 29, 2011 in BLACK Love

 

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WILL & JADA CLAIM RUMORS ARE FALSE

Will & Jada

A few days ago, the media went on a craze as each outlet tried to be the first to give the news that one of Hollywood’s favorite couple was splitting. The world ended, people were devastated. Some even claim to no longer believe in true love if the admirable couple whom everyone looked up to are no longer a couple. People began to blame the media, others the “open” relationship in which they claimed to have.

Unfortunately, the media gave is a heart attack for what appears to be a rumor. TMZ contacted Will and Jada’s rep Karynne Tencer, who told them … “What?! In Touch said that? I know nothing about this … Lord. I’m going back to bed.” Yesterday Will and Jada (photo below) is are swarmed by paparazzi as they head to their vehicles on their way back assuring them the rumors are false. With smiles on their faces, they greet their fans, take pictures and sign autographs and most of all shatter rumors of the couple splitting.

Will & Jada after the rumors

Take that InTouch who responds and says it was just a “photo-op” and that Jada apparently took J-Lo’s man, Marc Anthony. I admit the news was a bit unsettling and I’m happy this Black couple has survived the media, people, and everything in between. I don’t care what anyone says… I reuse to believe that Will & Jada split until I see it with my own eyes and hear it with my own ears.

#TeamWill&Jada

#TeamBlackLove

 

Written By: Judith Jacques

 

Disclaimer: All views expressed in this post is that of the author and not BLACK STREET entirely.


 
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Posted by on August 26, 2011 in BLACK Love, Entertaiment

 

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PREPARATIONS FOR LOVE

"Harlem Love" by Nicole Folkes

Relationships, an adventure that you embark on with someone completely different or similar to you, a special bond being shared by someone you care about. But often in our generation relationships are often being abused and the concept completely tainted, a meaning that’s now viewed by many, as an excuse for not wanting to be alone. A generation where people are forming relationship after relationship, giving it their all, or not, and to find pieces of themselves shattered, causing the feeling of incompletion and pain.

In order to find true love you must work on yourself, instead of scrutinizing others, try to see what you can work on, focus on your own self-development before entering a relationship. If you don’t, you can only expect drama and disappointment. If all fails even if you tried your best don’t give up, there is someone out there for you even though it may sound cliché but it’s the truth. Be patient. Don’t be to be quick to rush into another relationship after you just left one. Take time off to regroup and learn from that experience. Often time that’s why the concept of love in our society has been changing, since people are too quick into engaging in relationship just to be with someone. It may be because of their finances, wanting security, or because they genuinely believe there in love, when it can actually be mistaken for lust. Before you say you’re in love, retrace your steps, try to see what that person has to offer you other than their finances or looks. Mainly because, you can buy a person nice cloths if you don’t like how they dress, you can buy fragrances if you don’t like their scent, and you can even pay for someone to have plastic surgery (if you’re willing to go to that extent) in order for them to look appealing to your eyes, but you can never buy a person personality and sense of genuine love.

As black people, were not labeled as having the best relations with our significant others due to the drama, the miscommunication, and lack of respect at times. By us truly finding ourselves and genuinely trying to find love we will break the stereotypical views other cultures have on us. We need to stop trying to be in relationships just to keep ourselves busy, or worst self satisfaction. We are playing with not just our fate but with the fate of others. In addition, please don’t making it a number one priority to fall in love because you will end up losing your balance in failing into disorder. Sometimes what you’re looking for is right in front of you if you only open your eyes. Relationships are the starting point for a person to sail across pain shores or affections; you’re in charge of your own destiny remember that.


Written By: Andrew Pierre

Disclaimer: All views expressed in this post is that of the author and not BLACK STREET entirely.

 
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Posted by on May 20, 2011 in BLACK Love

 

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